terminator
I was able to catch two Arnold Schwarzenegger movies last week in two separate occasions; namely, Commando and Terminator 2: Judgement Day. It was only then I realized Commando had cheesy 80′s sax music in the soundtrack, far from what an Arnie movie deserves. And I have to say that today’s generation has missed out in having Schwarzenegger as their quintessential action hero. I mean, who do they have now? I respect Jason Statham and all, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has his moments, but none of today’s action stars can kill a man by keeping him in a headlock and then jumping, breaking said man’s neck. No, they all resort to sissy kung fu tactics , or what critics call “cinematic ballet”. Ballet, for frak’s sakes.

Beginning with Bruce Willis’s John McClane in the Die Hard series, action heroes started getting hurt, yet kept getting up. But they winced, limped, and emoted that they got hurt. Arnie doesn’t have TIME to get hurt in his movies. Remember The Running Man? The original Stephen King novella had the protagonist running around in a nightmarish reality show, and had the nerve to die in the end. Arnie not only spouted one-liners while executing his opponents (“I live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine! ” ), but led a rebellion which overthrew the dystopic government. And what about Total Recall? Which other action hero gets restrained in metal shackles, then not only pulls out the shackle free from the armrest, but stabs an evil technician in the jugular with a jagged metal bar protruding from the shackle? Badass. Oh, and he recovers from the effects of rapid decompression with nary a bloodshot eye.

So what do today’s audiences have today? Jason Statham losing his clothes during a fight sequence to the pleasure of the leading lady in Transporter 3. The Rock choosing a camel as his steed in The Scorpion King. Shia “nonononoNo” LeBoeuf running scared from robot aliens and insane Eagle Eyes.